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PostSubject: Paraprodokians   Sat Jun 15, 2013 8:19 am

PARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or  phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
 
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in  it.
 
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's  still on my list.
 
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people  appear bright until you hear them speak.
 
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be  wrong.
 
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in  public.
 
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is  left.
 
7. Knowledge knows a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not  putting it in a fruit salad.
 
8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then  proceed to tell you why it isn't.
 
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To  steal from many is research.
 
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train  stations. On my desk is a work station.
 
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted  paychecks.
 
12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In  case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
 
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming  you.
 
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk  down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are  sexy.
 
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the  fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
 
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy  memory.
 
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only  need a parachute to skydive twice.
 
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery  easier to live with.
 
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding  someone down so they can't get away.
 
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so  sure.
 
21. You're never too old to learn something  stupid.
 
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and  call whatever you hit the target.
 
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to  be.
 
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending  machine.
 
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any  more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
 
26. Where there's a will, there are  relatives.
 
27. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting  harder and harder for me to find one now.

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